By eHarmony

Regardless of how handsome or dashing they seem, there are men out there that just spell trouble when it comes to having a serious relationship. It’s not that they’re bad boys or heartbreakers; they’re just not commitment material.

Why, you ask? Well the answer basically comes down to lifestyle. Whether the “avoidables” know it or not, the way they live isn’t conducive to having a girlfriend. There’s just not enough room for a person of the opposite sex.

The good news is that unlike a lot of other “deal breakers,” the traits that make some men avoidable are completely…well, avoidable. All that’s needed is a reality check and some conscious decisions. Until then, we present 5 Types of Men that Women Avoid.

1) The Man-Child

This guy is clinging to his glory days when life was less complicated and responsibility was minimal. He’s obsessed with Guitar Hero, frequently attends keg parties and considers pizza one of the major food groups.

As a gateway back to youth, the Man-Child is fun for a date or two, but the problem is that he’s not going anywhere. This adolescent-adult has problems holding onto jobs and is more interested in living the life of a fraternity brother than making a serious commitment. Women are inclined to ditch The Man-Child until he grows up a little bit and learns to live life in the real world.

2) The Roving-Eye Guy

This guy is constantly looking at every female but the one he’s with. He ogles the barrista, the woman at the bus stop, even his buddy’s wife, making his date feel inferior and unattractive. Most of us will agree that men are inclined to admire beautiful women (and vice versa) but let’s face it: Recognizing beauty and disrespectfully rubbernecking are two completely different things.

Constantly competing for your partner’s attention gets old really fast. If a man’s smarmy smile, inappropriate comments/gestures and keen interest in others are too distracting to the relationship, women pick up and move along. Even the most confident women want their men to treat them like they are the only one in the room.

3) The Cheapskate

You don’t have to be labeled a “gold digger” to recognize the difference between a man who’s frugal and one who’s downright miserly. You know the type: he brings coupons to the first date or parks 17 blocks away to avoid paying a $4 valet (or both). Ah yes, this “avoidable” is known as the cheapskate.

Now, there is nothing wrong with a guy shopping for the best deal and being conservative with his money. However, if every activity is all about finding the stingiest alternative, nothing is ever fun.

Repeatedly counting change, stealing food from work and rationing toilet paper may seem quirky or sweet at first, but this behavior is indicative of future headaches. When it comes down to it, this guy has control issues.

4) Mr. Gadget

The gadget guy is always toting the latest toys for big boys. He has the hottest phone, a high-speed boat, a decked-out luxury car, and the newest Harley (for those weekend drives). In other words, this guy has a lot of material things keeping him busy. As a grown-up kid who can’t resist the new plaything of the moment, he has a hard time keeping his attention on women. After all, who can compete with technology when it changes at lightning speed?

Whether he is out to impress others, or he constantly needs to trade up to feed his own ego, this guy cares more about stuff than people. (Bad sign.) With this kind of outlook, women who date Mr. Gadget are often left wondering if an upgraded model will make them obsolete.

5) The Mama’s Boy

The Mama’s Boy probably still lives with his parents in their house, allowing Mom to launder his clothes, make his bed and cook his meals. (In many cultures, it’s not unusual to live with one’s parents forever, so living at home isn’t necessarily a deal breaker.) However, when a man delights in being waited on hand-and-foot by his mom, there’s trouble.

Mama’s Boys expect their girlfriends to cater to them endlessly and they never understand why that would be a problem. Most women realize that instead of trying to raise the man over again, it’s better to leave the parenting to his indulgent mother.

Finding Mr. Right

In all fairness, these guys aren’t all bad and maybe they just need a patient partner to come in and show them the light. Just because he relishes saving money, loves his mama and delights in playing Grand Theft Auto IV until dawn, all that doesn’t make him unworthy of a relationship. However, women avoid these challenging fellows because they still have some growing to do.

Remember, not everyone will come into your life ready-made, but there’s a difference between dusting off a diamond and fighting a battle you’re never going to win.

By eHarmony

Too often a day in the life of the dating world goes something like this: you meet someone, have a few conversations over the phone, go out once and then never see that person again.

Sound familiar? Chances are while you were on your date you discovered a personality that you know you just can’t deal with. It’s not that your date was creepy or malicious; you just know that a long-term relationship with that person won’t work out.

Dating is not about putting people into categories, but there are some personalities that just make a person want to turn and run. You’ve read the 5 Types of Men that Women Avoid, and because we’re all about being fair to both sexes, we have the other side: Five Types of Women that Men Avoid.

1) The Flirty-Bird

Men love women who flirt. Men are drawn to a good flirt because besides being fun and charming, she’s definitely not shy. The flirter shows interest right off the bat, making the “getting to know you” aspect of courtship all the more easy. For a guy, not having to do all the work is a relief.

But there’s a difference between a situational flirt and a serial flirt, and the latter is something that men just don’t want to deal with. A serial flirt giggles, touches others and tosses her hair at everyone: the best friend, the boss, the father. A woman who bats her lashes indiscriminately seems like a challenge at first—how do I get her to just pay attention to me?—but that game gets old really fast.

After a while guys realize that the Flirty-Bird needs constant attention because she’s stricken with major self-esteem issues. An extremely confident and patient man may be able to deal with this kind of behavior, but he’ll probably run himself ragged before realizing that the Flirty-Bird isn’t worth his time.

2) The Commitment-Phile

Imagine that you’re a guy for a second. You meet a fantastic woman and you’re having a great first date. The lighting is just right and the food is perfect. You’re sharing a great conversation and just beginning to get comfortable when…WHAM! Your date starts talking about your wedding location, how many kids she wants and Big Lug, the name of your future dog.

It puts a lot of pressure on a guy right off the bat. In any healthy relationship, the first couple of months—and especially the first couple of dates—should be kept light. A woman who fast-forwards to the happily ever after makes guys wonder if they really are her perfect match. With such a speedy narrative, perhaps her plans are all about fulfilling her dreams regardless of who is standing across from her at the altar.

3) The Cling-On

A needy nuisance, this gal can’t go anywhere or do anything without the company of her man. She adopts his interests, calls 15 times a day and flies off the handle anytime she’s not around to monitor his behavior. The Cling-On is more work than a relationship deserves. She is there at your beck and call and relies on you to entertain her because she basically has no life of her own. The Cling-On smothers any chance of a guy missing her by robbing him of energy and exhausting his patience with her demands.

4) The Party Girl

When men meet this ball of fun, they think she is the life of the party. She’s carefree, maybe a little wild, and from the outside looks like a person they may be interested in. Once they get a closer look, however, they realize that her entire life is a party. While a guaranteed good time may seem like a good idea, what will she be like in the sobering light of day?

Her hilarious antics, outgoing personality and righteous dance moves are good in small doses, but the Party Girl doesn’t know the meaning of “closing time.” It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with a person who is masking major problems underneath his or her party hat. Plus, we all know that people who can’t amuse themselves without mind-altering substances just aren’t any fun when the party is over.

5) The Windbag

Yakkity Yak. The Windbag is the woman who never shuts up, barely stopping to breathe. Seeming only concerned about what is going on in her life and sharing her prattling insights, this Chatty Cathy also has Drama-Queen tendencies (not good).

The Windbag’s rambling renditions drive men crazy for obvious reasons, but they also make men feel a little obsolete since they can go on and on without anyone else’s input. Most people think it takes two to have a conversation, but not The Windbag.

Women are more verbal than men and get a bad rep for being garrulous. The Windbag, however, doesn’t know that the sound of silence is golden. She needs to learn that the more you talk, the less you learn.

Finding Ms. Right

While there are exceptions to the aforementioned personality types, these gals present a tough road ahead. Although avoidance of women with potent personality types may make things easier, keep an open mind and remember that your perfect match may not come in the tidy little package that you envision.

By eHarmony

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are almost that many ways to send him running for the hills. Let us focus on the five that will have him screaming “Check please!” before dessert.

1) Those Three Little Words

While it’s clear that men like to hear that you love them, timing is everything. So while you may be excited to have finally found someone you’re compatible with, try to rein in the desire to blurt out that you’ve totally fallen for him for at least a couple of months. Say it during the first few dates, and his mind will process those three precious words into one scary one: psycho. He needs to time to process what he’s feeling about you, and you both need time for infatuation to settle into something more real.

2) Cracking Knuckles and other Manly Moves

The days of women casting coy smiles from behind paper fans may be long gone, but a guy still appreciates a little femininity in his potential love match.

So while those tricks where you crack open a beer bottle with your teeth and say the names of everyone in the room with a belch are no doubt impressive, you should think about promoting your gentler qualities in a relationship’s early stages. He’s not looking for a return to Victorian values, but he’d probably like to think he could beat you in a Jäger shoot-out or an arm-wrestling match. Even if he can’t.

3) Going Bridal

Okay, we know that one day you might want to get married – we’re not stupid – but there’s an order to these things, and subscribing to the bride and wedding magazines and studying your diamond cuts before you’ve even met a guy is classic carat-before-horse territory. So when he turns up at your place and sees a bookshelf full of dog-eared bridal magazines and your computer’s home page set to Enchanted Weddings, he’s likely to suddenly get very busy at work. Wanting to get married to a man you love is one thing, trying to fit a mysterious anybody into your wedding-day fantasy is another.

4) Hey Kids, Meet your New Daddy

Realistically, in our fractured world men know that the chances of meeting and falling for a single mom are significant. For many it’s an instant no-no, and if that’s your situation, best to know up front. However, for those men not put off by the first mention of Junior, they’ll still be walking into the situation one tentative step at a time, and telling him too early what a great daddy he’s going to make to your kids will make him break out in a cold sweat. So while ultimately you’re a package deal – and it’s important that he knows that – let him get to know you first.

Once you feel that your relationship has had a chance to establish itself, then gently introduce the little one(s). And remember: initially he’s not going to be as in love with them as you are, so give him a chance to establish a relationship with them too.

5) My Ex was a Psycho/My Ex was the Greatest

We get it – you have an ex-boyfriend. Hey, maybe you’ve got five. Or 10 or 20. We know, but there are telltale signs when this could be a problem for us. First is when you go all glassy-eyed at the mention of his name – worse if the subject came up after we noticed it tattooed on your wrist. He may have been a master surgeon with rock-solid abs and a second home in Hawaii, but we’d rather not know too much about it if it’s all the same with you, as we know we’ll never compare.

Similarly, we understand that he may have tormented you emotionally/slept with your sister/kidnapped your dog, but that just makes us wonder one thing: why’d you go out with him so long? It doesn’t speak highly of your selection process, and ergo why you’ve chosen us. We’ve all got a past – let’s just keep it there.

By eHarmony.com

We hear it from every direction, don’t we? “You’ve got to talk it through. When you two are fighting, the best thing to do is to communicate.” Okay, that’s a good rule of thumb. But there are clear exceptions to that rule—like when the costs outweigh the benefits.

In other words, there are times when a couple simply needs to stop talking. Here are five specific times when, instead of talking more, it’s probably best to just be quiet.

Stop Talking when one of you isn’t Ready to Talk

There are times when someone’s simply not in a good place to have a fruitful discussion. Maybe that person is extra busy at the moment. Maybe he or she is intensely focused on something else, or is just plain uncomfortable with the subject. If you have something on your mind and your partner isn’t ready to talk about it, don’t force the issue. But let your partner know you want to talk. Say something like “I want to talk about what happened last night. It doesn’t have to be right now, but I’d like to discuss it soon. Will you let me know when you’re ready?” That’s all it takes to make sure your partner is in a more receptive space before you begin.

Stop Talking when you’ve said it a Million Times

If you’ve been telling your partner ever since you met that it drives you crazy when he chews with his mouth open, and he still hasn’t stopped, then give it a rest for a while. Or if you two constantly argue over how long it should take to get ready for a date, now might be the time to take a semi-permanent break from that conversation. At some point you’ve got to realize that talking hasn’t done much good and, in this case, is not going to provide a solution. There are times you simply have to agree to disagree, or table all discussion on the matter for, say, the next six months. The bottom line is that you need to give up the conversations you keep having over and over and over without any resolution. They will only grind both of you down.

Stop Talking when one of you is Being Extremely Unreasonable

Imagine that you’ve initiated a discussion about finances or the future, and your partner flies off the handle, condemning your attitude and accusing you of attacking her: “You’re always criticizing me and you never appreciate what I do for you!” You may not know exactly where this strong emotion is coming from—maybe something happened at work, or maybe your partner had a negative interaction with a friend or a family member—but you know that at this particular moment, your partner isn’t being fully reasonable.

At this point, the wisest tack is to avoid discussing either the issue or the bizarre behavior. Instead, just pull back from the conversation. If you can do it without sounding condescending, you might even say something like “I didn’t mean to upset you. We can talk about this later if you’d rather. I can give you some space right now if you need it.” You don’t need to be judgmental—after all, this happens to all of us from time to time. Just take a break until a little more sanity enters the picture. Of course, the same holds true when the shoe is on the other foot. When you’re feeling a little insane and your emotions are like a ticking time bomb, you need to give yourself some space.

Too many couples try to have rational conversations when one partner is in an irrational space. It never works. So the next time one of you is being unreasonable, put off any serious discussions and provide a space for sanity. Then, once you’ve had some time away from each other, you’ll be much more likely to have a more rational conversation.

Stop Talking if you have a Limited Amount of Time

You know you’ll be at the movie theater in five minutes. Or you’re about to meet friends for dinner, or arrive at a party. You have only a small amount of time, and that can be one of the worst moments to initiate a conversation about something that really matters or that you care a lot about. The danger is that you will simply introduce the topic—perhaps a complaint about how your partner handled a certain situation, or a controversial issue that you disagree about—and then you’ll have to stop the conversation just as things are beginning to heat up emotionally. Then, all of a sudden, you’re both upset, but you can’t continue the discussion because you’re meeting your friends or entering the party. You’ll have a hard time enjoying yourself because of the high emotions you’re experiencing. Keep in mind, raising an issue when you have only a limited amount of time can cause new problems that are actually bigger than the one you want to address. So if the conversation is going to be contentious in any way, don’t try to “squeeze it in.” Just wait until you have more time.

Stop Talking if you’re Especially Tired

When we get tired, we get more irritable, less reasonable, less tolerant, more defensive, and less patient. Does that sound like a recipe for a good conversation? Do yourself, your partner, and your relationship a favor and avoid serious conversations when one or both of you are really tired.

This may mean banning serious discussions after a certain time in the evening, or when one of you has worked hard or traveled all day. Or maybe you can agree not to debrief about the visit to your parents’ house until the next day. The point is that there are times when you’re going to be tired—physically and/or emotionally—and

at those times, it’s best to put a moratorium on serious or “flammable” conversations. These suggestions are fairly simple, but they also can be difficult to follow, since they call for awareness—about yourself, your partner, and the circumstances. Like so many other relational issues, knowing when to shut up is often about paying attention and putting forth a little effort. If you do your best to remain aware of whatever is going on in terms of your relationship, you’ll be much better at knowing when it’s important to communicate and when it’s best to simply be quiet.

If you’re a living, breathing human being, you are constantly sending out subtle—and not-so-subtle—messages to everyone around you. Like Wi-Fi signals floating unseen through the air, you broadcast hundreds of messages every time you interact with someone. And if you’re dating, you can bet that the people you’re going out with are reading every signal you offer, analyzing each one in an effort to decipher its exact meaning.

The good news is that you can transmit these signals any time you want in order to achieve a desired effect. That’s a lot of power to have over another person. But the bad news is that you’re also sending a steady stream of signals without even knowing it. Your facial expression, your posture, your body language, and even the way you walk and talk are communicating all kinds of things to the person you’re interacting with.

Let’s look at some of the main ways you send signals. This can help you can think about just what it is you’re communicating—intentionally or not—to other people.

You Send Signals with How you Dress

This is one of the most obvious ways to send a message to a person you’re going out with. If you dress to look sexy, you are communicating one thing. If you dress in a way that’s totally casual, you are saying something else. The same goes for whether you look sloppy, well-groomed, successful, or high maintenance. The clothes you wear and the way you wear them are great ways to tell a date a little about yourself, about how you are feeling about the date, and about what you have in mind for the evening.

How you dress can also say something about where you see the relationship headed. There’s nothing wrong with wearing sloppy and ragged clothes around the house, but if that’s what you wear every time you are with the other person, then that may convey that you’ve gotten a bit too comfortable with them. In the same way, there’s nothing wrong with wearing clothes that accentuate your sexiest attributes and send signals that you are really into someone. Just make sure that you’re not broadcasting messages that you don’t mean to. When you get dressed for the date, ask yourself, “Is the way I’m dressed sending the signals I mean to be sending?” If so, then go for it. But if not, you might decide to dress up or dress down a bit, depending on how you want to come across.

You Send Signals with the Invitations you Offer or Accept

Certain dating activities don’t really hold any specific significance at all. Dinner at Chili’s followed by a movie isn’t necessarily going to deliver any precise message regarding your expectations for the evening or the relationship. But other invitations have the potential to communicate plenty. Inviting someone inside for a drink at the end of the date signals that you’re at least open to the idea of the relationship becoming more physically intimate. Asking someone to go away for the weekend implies sex, and maybe even a new level of seriousness in the relationship. You may not always mean to convey that message (or to accept that implied invitation); and, of course, you should never feel obligated to go further than you’re comfortable with simply because of some implied, unspoken agreement. But you want to at least be aware of what messages you’re sending when you offer or accept certain invitations.

You can also transmit unintended signals by choosing date locations that seem to communicate a lack of interest in pleasing the other person. An out-of-the-way little hole-in-the-wall, for instance, can be a great date, especially if you’ve put some thought into choosing the dive. But if your date feels that you’re choosing only cheap restaurants or convenient fast-food joints in your neighborhood, they may begin to wonder how much you care about them and the developing dating relationship.

You Send Signals when you say Nothing at All

There’s an old country song that features the line, “You say it best when you say nothing at all.” It’s definitely true that some of our clearest communication takes place in what we call the nonverbal realm.

Just think of what’s being conveyed when you’re on a date—let’s say it’s a first date—and the person you’re with reaches across the table and lightly touches your hand during your conversation. Or when they move in close while you’re waiting for a taxi. Or when they deliver that “killer look” that lets you know that the date is going really well and that you two are connecting on a powerful level. On the other hand, if the person takes a step back or leans away each time you move a little closer, that communicates that things aren’t going as well (or that you need a breath mint!). Notice that all of this communication takes place without the use of any words at all.

The point is that your nonverbal signals transmit a wealth of information. The extent to which you clue in and make eye contact when the other person is talking lets them know whether you’re interested in them and what they have to say. By the same token, if you follow every one of your statements with a nervous laugh and a quick glance around the room, you’re going to send the signal that you’re insecure or uncomfortable with yourself. On the other hand, if you ask good questions, listen well, and share openly and honestly, then you’ll convey that you’re confident and comfortable with who you are.

The signals you send are like feelings. They aren’t inherently good or bad. But the more aware of them you are, the more you can control the way they affect your life and relationships. So pay attention to what signals you’re sending. Do your best to communicate exactly what you want to communicate so you can avoid having to deal with the messy results of sending a message you didn’t mean to deliver.

So, you finally took the plunge and signed up for one of these online dating sites hoping to find someone special. You even filled out your profiles and added your best picture. You’ve defined your criteria for what type of person you are looking for, and you hit your search button and wow. There are several hundred matches. Now what. Where do I start? Do I start with the first person on the list?

If you have too many search results to choose from, the first thing you might want to do is narrow down some of your search criteria. For example, if you are not a smoker, make sure the person you are looking for is not a smoker. If you are not a social drinker, make sure the person you are looking for also enjoys alcohol once in a while. You get the idea. Once you’ve narrowed the search down to something more manageable to under 100 or so, you can start looking at each profiles more carefully.

You are not a vain person for wanting to see what the other person looks like so take a look at all the pictures they’ve posted. Of course, you don’t want to only judge your potential mate just on looks but you’ll agree it’s a place to start. Once you’ve browsed through and found the person you might be interested in, start reading their profiles and mini bio to see if there is anything that intrigue you. It might be some unique hobby that you both have in common. It might be the line of work, it might be the area you both live in, etc.

Depending how serious you are about the internet dating, you may want to start slow with sending out one or two messages to your narrowed down prospects. Or, you can also use the shot gun approach and send out as many as you can and hope someone responds back to you.

OK, so I’m ready to give this internet dating a try. There are just too many choices. Where do I start? Is it better to go more well known large sites or is it better to start at smaller but more niche site?
There are pros and cons to both. Large site has more members, which means when you do a search based on your criteria you will have more people to choose from. The hard part will be trying to narrow down to the few that you really want to engage in communication and ultimately agree to meet in real life. The smaller niche sites may have enough members and some may not, which will limit your choices. However, niche sites are already pre-qualified to what you are looking for. For example, if you are a Christian and you want to find someone who’s also Christian, you can safely assume that the matches you find in that particular niche site is also Christian and they are looking for a Christian as well. Or you are a Latin and you are only looking for other Latins, then you are more likely to have success at sites only caters to Latin. Just another thing to think about.

You’ve heard the saying “A picture is worth 1000 words”. When it comes to online dating and your profile page, a picture is actually worth a lot more than 1000 words. You can spend all your time and effort into creating your profile with what you like and what you don’t like, describe how great you are. But, if you forget to include a picture, chances are your profile won’t be viewed much, if at all. Put yourself on the other side. Of all the searches you’ve done, how many profiles without picture did you spend the time to read, and actually started any kind of communication? Yes, we don’t all want to be shallow and only care about looks but for internet dating, it’s not just about looking for good looking people, just having a some type of picture takes the scary unknown out of the picture and make you feel a lot more comfortable with the other person on that screen.

This goes without saying that you are still in the “sales mode” so it is in your best interest to show pictures that shows the best of you, not just any pictures. I would say more is better than one. Also, it has to be somewhat recent. You don’t want to be posting a picture of you from high school 10 years ago, and when you were 50 lbs lighter. Show the best you, but the real you.

I had a friend in college who believed in Shotgun Dating. What does this mean? Well, if you compare the shotgun to a pistol, a pistol shoots one bullet at a time whereas the shotgun shoots thousands of smaller shrapnels. What does this have anything to do with dating?

What a typical college student would do is pick out a girl he’s interested in on campus, get someone to find out all about her, build up the courage to finally ask her out. This would be a pistol dating since he would spend a lot of time and energy into asking one girl out and if she turns him down, then well he has to go through the same process all over again.

What my friend would do is just hit on every single girl he runs into on campus, and even though he misses a lot, something is bound to hit and guess what, he’d get plenty of them to say yes to him.

Now, I’m not saying this is the best approach or it’s the only approach but you have to admit that there may be some merits to this. How would this relate to online dating? Try out different online dating sites instead of being locked into just one site. You never know where your soul mate is logged onto, so try the shotgun approach to create as many free profiles as possible and you’ll have a much better chance of meeting someone special.